Ask Mabus

Seeing as how all manner of people like to ask me strange and offbeat questions, I like to start answering some of them in a new column in my blog called "Ask Mabus". While the questions may have otherwise straightfoward answers, I'd like to draw a different perspective on them for you.

And, without further adieu, I'd like to answer the first question and it comes from Ralph Taggart in Norman, Oklahoma. Ralph writes: "Dear Mabus, why is drinking gasoline so dangerous?"

Well Ralph, aside from the obvious dangers that befall most gasoline drinkers such as death and polyneuropathy, there are other lesser known dangers that are certainly more heinous. The most notable of them being its propensity to cause chronic halitosis and to make you stink like the dickens should topical exposure occur (and due to its volatility, this is likely to occur when imbibing some of shell's finest 93 octane). No breath mint currently marketed exists that is strong enough to cover up gas mouth... not even an entire tin of altoids washed down with a cocktail of binaca and scope will kill it. Same goes for the body odor - you might as well have rubbed the business end of a skunk on yourself. The expensive colognes and perfumes will only serve to make you smell like joan rivers and george hamilton wrapped in saran wrap and baked in a steam sauna for 3 hours on high. You might be able to barely cover the stink with a combination of impostor axe body spray and red cabbage juice, but thats only slightly more tolerable.

So Ralph, I'm not sure if you were considering the consumption of gasoline, but if you we're, I'd highly recommend that you do not. Take it from me as I learned the hard way. I always do so you don't have to.

Anyways, if you have a question for me that you'd like to see answered in a future edition of "Ask Mabus", feel free to comment here, contact me in the forums or email me at .

Namaste.